jennyfast

an alaskan girl’s adventures in love, life and fishing

My Dirty Secret of the Week

So I obviously wasn’t going to say anything, since I was SO against this kid in the beginning (the Michael Jackson song from the first week was just terrible)… But I have to admit, the Heartless arrangement won me over.

I can truthfully say that this is the only time in the history of American Idol that I’ve ever changed my mind so drastically.

I’d also like to say that I think the best performance on last night’s results show was (hands down!) Kris Allen and Keith Urban - and if that boy comes out with a country album I’ll be all over it. He sounded GREAT!! Adam and I think he sounded better than Keith Urban.

And now for my dirty little secret of the week:

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Yeah, WOMEN are the ones who keep random crap… sure.

For the past few weeks, Adam and I have been participating in the loving act of ripping eachother’s heads off   arguing about retarded back massager chairs that no one has used in 2 years  packing up our beautiful belongings because we bought a new house!

Amongst spending hours trying to figure out WHEN THE HECK we accumulated all of this crap (who has two quesadilla makers?? who even has one?), I have many times been scolded for “keeping too much crap.” Because, apparently, “women never get rid of anything.”

Hm.

May I present to you… things I have found while packing that I would have immediately chucked into the trash if my husband hadn’t whined and whined and whined for me to keep them:

  • 72 Sharpie markers. All black.
  • An entire drawer full of random knives. Probably like, 45 of them. Some that look like scary “I’ll gut you” hunting knives, which in no way will ever be needed in my kitchen. This is in addition to the two knife blocks we have on the counter.
  • 24 lighters. We’re not smokers… and no one has that many candles. No one.
  • 13 pairs of nail clippers. Only one of which is mine.
  • 67 shot glasses. Not including the 35 from the cabin. Please, someone tell me… when are we EVER going to need 67 shot glasses at the same time?

Meanwhile, the pile I’ve created of “crap to get rid of” is slowly taking over the entire downstairs family room. 

Interesting, how I get verbally abused for keeping 3 boxes full of shoes that I wear, yet when I try to throw away dry Sharpie markers, rusty knives, half-empty lighters, dull nail clippers, and shot glasses from cities we’ve never been to — ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE.

Hm.

This is not the complete set

This is not the complete set

Mine is the pretty purple one. The rest are Adam's.

Mine is the pretty purple one. The rest are Adam's.

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American Sausage-Fest: Final 3

So, I really have no critique, except that I’m sick of Adam looking like he’s going to lick everyone when he screams (keep your tongue in your damn mouth!). So, here’s a little tidbit from my night (and it’s totally Idol-related):

Me: Yeah, I don’t really know this song, but I still think Danny should make a baby-makin’ CD.

Adam: (pointing at the screen) That guy right there sounds exactly like Michael Bolton. Exactly.

Me: Yeah, I guess he does sound kind of like Michael Bolton, with Bryan Adams mixed in.

Adam: No, he sounds exactly like Michael Bolton. Trust me Jenny, I know Michael Bolton.

Me: *silence*

Me: *silence*

Me: *silence*

Me: uh… hello?

Adam: Oh. My mom used to listen to him like, 24/7 when I was growing up. So I know.

Me: You should definitely tell people that if you’re going to say things like ‘trust me, I know Michael Bolton’ — weirdo.

 

Then again… Michael Bolton did make a *few* chart-toppin’, baby-makin’ CDs… so I guess I see the resemblance.

Doesn’t make my husband any less weird though.

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Now, I’ve been called a bitch, but…

From last night, after Adam and I went to bed at 2am following 3 back-to-back episodes of Cold Case (stupid tv).

Adam: Haha! You look so silly all wrapped up in those blankets! YOU LOOK JUST LIKE A CORNDOG.

Me: (giving him a weird look) Uh… okay?

Adam: You know, like the blankets are the corn.

Me: And that would make me the d–

Adam: ack, NEVERMIND! (hysterical laughter)

Why he felt the need to explain that, I don’t know. Probably for the same reason that he told me a while back that my shin splints are from being out of shape.

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In Memory of Lizzie Freeman, who always made me smile with her silly giggles

I recently heard that the world has lost an inspirational soul… a girl I’ve known since 7th grade, who was vibrant, luminous, cheerful, uplifting and a genuine sweetheart.

Elizabeth E. Freeman and I had lost touch over time, but for two or three fun-filled years way back when, she lit up my life with excitement and laughter. Lizzie had a laugh that was absolutely contagious, a little-girl giggle that never got old. She could find humor in anything, even in our angsty teen years. Lizzie was a gymnast and a cheerleader, who pulled me in and groomed me to be a cheerleader with her. She was talented and exceled at everything she took on - a truly well-rounded girl. Perfect grades, great at sports, beautiful, a caring and trustworthy friend; Lizzie was a fantastic role model for anyone who met her.

We spent a lot of time at her house making up our own dances to cheesy ’80s music, gabbing about boys and pining to be real adults. When Lizzie got her drivers license she just LOVED to drive… anywhere. I lived up in the booney-sticks of Bear Valley, and Lizzie loved to come get me just because it allowed her to be in her car. We spent so many nights just riding around town, anywhere, listening to loud music and singing at the top of our lungs.

She loved Britney Spears when “Oops I Did it Again” was popular, and she never got over her Britney adoration. The last time I spoke with Liz (2 years ago), she gushed about how she spent New Year’s Eve at Pure in Las Vegas and she was “this close” to Britney! The excitement was palpable. :)

I drank my very first beer with Lizzie (sorry mom). We were too young, and we were at a small party, held at the house of some boy she had a crush on… I was 15, she was 16. We drank forties of something that tasted like death in a bottle, and we both hated it. A few months later we tried — oh yes we did — Alize (it tasted much better). Luckily, drinking didn’t define my high school years. Although Liz and I eventually drifted apart, I’m pretty sure it didn’t define hers either. She was always into sports and good grades and friends.

I smoked my very first joint with Lizzie (again, sorry mom). And I absolutely hated it, even though Lizzie told me I was supposed to feel “dopey.” I think I only tried it once more in high school, because the way it made Liz giggle made me think it couldn’t possibly be bad.

Coming home from the Alaska State Fair in 1996, Lizzie and I decided to stop at the Subway on HuffmanRd for some midnight chocolate chip cookies. She had a friend who worked there part time, and sometimes if we got there right at midnight he would give us all of the leftover cookies from the day for free! On this particular night, we walked into the Subway at 11:55pm. A man jumped up from behind the counter with a black face mask and a sawed off shotgun and shoved us into the back room - apparently we had interrupted a robbery. Lizzie and I were told to kneel and put our hand flat on the ground in front of us, while 2 masked men emptied the safe and cash registers. We made eye contact nervously and moved our hands closed together so we could link our pinky fingers together on the floor. The men left after just a few minutes, and no one was hurt. Calling our parents was almost scarier than what we had just been through! Lizzie wasn’t allowed to drive for a few weeks after that — and I remember thinking it was so unfair, since we weren’t out past curfew and we just wanted cookies and we didn’t do anything wrong! As I think about starting my own family, I now realize the absolute terror our parents must have felt when they recieved the call about their daughters being held up in an armed robbery.

After the fact, even that scary event was just something to gossip about. Lizzie and I got a little bit of fame out of it, and then went back to being cheerleading nerds who sang at the top of our lungs, looking for cute boys everywhere we went. I have more stories than I could possibly share, and I’ll always remember my time with Lizzie with fondness.

Liz and I shared a lot of wonderful times together, and she is in so many of my coming-of-age stories. I felt blessed to be her friend then and I feel blessed to have known her now that she is gone. I am sure that every person whose life she touched feels the same way, and I am so grateful to her parents, Linda & Skip Freeman, for raising such a wonderful soul.

Lizzie died on April 16, 2009 — from carbon monixide poisoning. Her obituary can be seen here. Please, PLEASE, take a quick moment to go check that your carbon monoxide detectors are working properly.

Goodbye, Lizzie. You will be dearly missed, and I hope to hear your infectious giggle again someday.

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Idol Quickie

Getting bored with my Idol reviews… PLUS, Adam and I watched a documentary on TV last week called “Heckled” about how bloggers are mean to actors and performers. Anyway… here’s a quickie:

Kris: Great performance. Your voice is definitely better in slow, smooth songs like this one. Beautiful. You’ll be safe.

Allison: I’m a little bored with you. You have a great voice but I don’t think you really know who you ARE yet, so, you should maybe go home.

Matt: I don’t care for that song, but I still love you. You may not have done enough to stay on the show though…

Danny: Awesome! :) Loved it… you have such a sexy voice! Please make a “baby-makin-music” CD, because I will totally buy it.

Adam: You’re still my number 1, you queer sexy thing you. Whew!!

Mkay… I think Allison should go home, but in reality I think Matt will be the one to leave. Sad.

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I seriously wouldn’t be surprised…

… if this were the next new thing.

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Blah: American Idol Edition

Lil- I’m so over you. How are you still on this show?
Kris- Cute arrangement… boy singin a girl song though, weird for me.
Danny- OMG, you have NO IDEA how much this song means to me. It has a major theme in my life, and I’m so glad you sang it! And you totally did it justice! YAAAY!
Allison- You rock. Please continue.
Adam- Wow, great connection with the song tonight. Cool arrangement. Oh crimony, Paula’s crying. Psycho.
Matt- Yeah baby! I’m so happy the judges saved you! I love your take on things — you’re like a bluesy Justin Timberlake, and that’s something I think people would buy!
Anoop- I’m over you too.

 

Bottom 3: Lil, Anoop, Matt (even though I don’t think Matt deserves it).
Lil is OUT.

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I’m getting bored with American Idol

Okay so I feel I’ve been a little, to use Simon’s word,  ”indulgent” lately with the long American Idol posts… so I’m going to keep it nice and short tonight:

Allison - weird song choice, kinda boring but still good.

Anoop - you’re growing on me. You won’t win though.

Adam - You’re so freakin crazy! This seems to be a lot more your element than the slow songs though. :) You’re so gonna win.

Matt - You are still my 2nd fave. I love your Justin Timberlake flavor. And you still remind me of Elliot Yamin, which is rad. Well plus you just have a beautiful voice! The judges were too hard you Matt. Keep him in, America. Lil needs to go already.

 Danny - You’re looking a little cuter tonight. Are you seriously singing Endless Love? All I can think of now if the Friends episode where Phoebe and Chandler sing it at the end. And you know, you soung really great but it’s difficult to listen to this song without a harmony!! Haha.

Kris - This was a weird song, and I’ve never heard it before. I do think Randy is smoking crack though, because it sounded beautiful.

Lil - Adam and I can only think of one thing: Napoleon Dynamite and the sign language class scene. Haha. Anyway you sounded good. I’m done with you though, you bring nothing awesome to the table. Blah.

Bottom three should be Lil, Anoop, Allison. It will probably be Lil, Anoop and Matt. :(

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Groupies: Yer Doooin it Rong

How to be a groupie:

1-Actually GO TO the concert when a band comes into town.

2-KNOW the name of the band.

3-When asked if you want to ride in the band limo, ACCEPT.

4-Again, KNOW the name of the band.

5- Allow the rich band members to buy you drinks.

6- KNOW THE NAME OF THE BAND.

 

And now… How to Be a Groupie, Jenny Style:

1-Do not go to the John Michael Montgomery concert in Anchorage on Saturday night. Have dinner with girlfriends Jen, Sam and Molly and proceed to get drunk on wine at the trendy Crush restaurant. Barhop and go look for Annie at bars downtown .

2-Meet band members Rusty Van Sickle and Mark Burch hanging out with Annie (who actually did go to the concert) at Rum Runners. Don’t recognize them. Also meet and do not recognize John Michael Montgomery. Sing at the top of your lungs along with a song they play when it comes on the loudspeakers. Don’t get any of the words right. (*UPDATED: Who even knows all of the words to “Sold/Grundy County Auction” anyway?? I just make up my own.)

3-Keep calling them “Montgomery” and “Gentry”.

4-Laugh at them when they ask if you want to ride in the band’s limo. Make them walk around the corner with you to go to The Avenue Bar.

5-Buy THEM drinks, even though you are broke and drunk and they are rich.

6-When the bars close, do not take the band’s limo back to the band’s hotel room to party more on their dime. Instead, take AND PAY FOR a shitty cab to your friend Jen’s house. Don’t even find a cab that will fit all 7 of you, but split up into two shitty cabs. 

7-Pretend to be a master mixologist with champagne, vodka, tonic, and cranberry juice  cranberry-grapefruit Sobe. Spill each and every single one of those items, separately. Drop and break a glass. Or maybe a plate.

8-Make Montgomery and Gentry drink your concotion of champagne, mango vodka, cranberry juice, tonic, cut up strawberries that you dropped on the floor, and maybe some water as a filler. Spill a tray of ice cubes. Laugh hysterically while band members try to clean up ice cubes for you.

9-If you are Molly (a vegan) and Jen (a meat-eater), proceed to go change into dueling tshirts that say, respectively, “Vegetarian” and “Vegetarians Taste Better.” Model them for band members.

10- Pull up Facebook on your TV and make Montgomery (Mark) accept you as his Facebook friend before letting him and Gentry (Rusty) leave so he can catch a plane at 6am.

11- Pass out.

 

I like our way better. Thanks to Jen, Sam, Molly and Annie for a memorable night that I barely remember. Also thanks to Montgomery and Gentry, we hope you made it to the airport on time! :)

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